The single life at its breaking point

After the shine wears off, what does she look like?

   This particular page will be a tribute to barflies, boozehounds, spilled drinks, broken hearts and why second chances don’t really exist.

  • Barfly: An individual that spends the third of their life that most of us use to sleep and relax spreading their wings at one or two specific bars or clubs.  Also see Chicken head, hood rat or mud duck…
  • Boozehound: Person that consumes so much alcohol on a daily basis that they can’t remember whether they either got a ride or got ridden home the next day.
  • Strippers are cool til you ask them their real name: The ex: ‘ You know how guys are with me so behave ok baby’? (Working as a cocktail waitress at the very same bar she in recent history used to strip at).
  • My dumb ass; ‘Ok. I promise’! Dutifully showing up to pick my slippery when wet gal up from such a grueling night of Snakebites and slobbering all over every drunken passer through with a Hemi, or at least somethin’ that spikes your RPMs , it took me all of ten short minutes to get slightly drunkenly jealous that my newbie would not come along and instead chose to give a blatantly obvious too long of a goodbye to all of her ‘FRANZZZZ!
  • Did I forget to mention that I was the lucky gentleman that was taking her home? Turns out, surprisingly that she was a whore!

Making an appearance once a week at your fave rave is what most self-respecting folks do across the American continent. When the owner of your most frequented haunt gives you your own parking spot and pic on their ‘Wall of Fame’ you’re no longer an average patron, YOU’RE THE DRUNK OF THE YEAR!!!

COYOTE UGLY WAS A MOVIE, NOT AN INSPIRATION TO WHORE IT UP!

WHEN ALCOHOL AND LIQUOR BECOME TAX DEDUCTIONS FOR YOU AND YOUR LAST 5 OR 6 ‘RELATIONSHIPS’ WERE WITH SOMEONE FROM THE BAR, YOU’RE NO LONGER SAFE FROM BEING REFERRED TO AS THE RESIDENT SLUUUUUUUUUTTT!!!

When she turned out to be exactly what I  thought why was I so surprised?!

I can tell you 1 thing. Following your 1st mind and listening to the lil’ Angel, (or Devil in some cases) on your shoulder has some real weight to it. A Leopard doesn’t change its spots n in the end you can posibly wind up screwing yourself over if you can’t see things for what they are.

Who coined the phrase ‘I love you’ as concrete evidence that she’s never going to do to you what she did to the last guy? And the guy before that?!… A history of bad behavior is for sure a guarantee of the same in the furure. After the shine wears off, sometimes all that’s left is a worthless pile of junk, not the new 300 you thought you were piloting!

Last call! I’ve really adapted an appreciation for seeing things, (people in this case) for what they are and it makes for some real enlightening shit!…Back in a min!

It’s not the simplest thing to eat a double standard sandwich on a daily basis but somehow I’m able to choke it down. Matter of fact, I’m pretty much ‘Customer of the month’ but that doesn’t deter me from orderin’ the special everytime I come in! If you’re a dude and you actually think this thing is fair, I feel for ya cuz it really ain’t, bro! We get what women give us. Period! Doesn’t matter if we think we know what we’re doin’; I’ve been laughed at enough times to conclude that I don’t know shit but recognizing her for what she is does help. It’s like a ‘take it or leave it’ thang and even without her lipstick n mascara she’s in the drivers’ seat!

I gotta be honest here; every time I go out, I feel like I’m runnin’ in syndication as I watch guys do all the stupid shit that landed me in therapy! Here’s a lil’ help:

  • Buyin’ her a Ruby Slipper is good biz but payin’ for an 8 dollar drink with a hundred dollar bill makes you look like a John. If she’s interested, she don’t care ’bout your finances. Take your ass to Christies n tell em’ I sent ya!!!
  • Flexin’ at the bar is straight up douchery! She’s there to have a good time, don’t ruin it by pretendin’ that you can fight! She just may prove you wrong by 2 am…
  • Last free piece:if she’s left your side to go dance with ‘other-guy’, you’re prolly history! Put your wallet away n bow out gracefully!…

Sheila E – The Glamorous Life 

Old habits die hard!

K! It’s in my nature to be a forgiving person. I’m also the kinda guy that holds doors for folks, says “Pardon me”, thank you n appreciates the kindness n courtesy reciporocated. BUT I do have a keen sense of expecting accountability; I’m no exception to the rules either so this is where I become slightly difficult to decipher. A Leopard doesn’t really change it’s spots even though I truly have n with this knowledge it’s become a simple task for me to see right through someone made of glass!

Before this sounds like a contradiction, I feel obligated to tell you that though I am not exempt from the rules, I consider myself an exception so I truly believe that people are capable of change; it’s literally my business to assist others in this transformation. (I’m starting a consultancy this fall based on recreating individuals and helping them overcome social barriers). That in mind, statistically the majority of us don’t feel that change is necessary even when it soooooo is; so I’ll just cut to the chase here…

Friday or Saturday night, when you’re about to hit the FLATS, BV or some other carnal destination eager to get your swerve on, all Acqua Di’ Gio’d up, lookin’ right n got your game face on, don’t try n fool yourself into thinking that the women you’re going to meet this eve are anything other than what they appear to be…………….JUST LIKE YOU!

Whatcha see is definitely whatcha get!

I’ve obviously never been 1 of the world’s greatest judges of character n my track record with absolutely ‘Sketchy’ women all but proves this. If she appears to be completely inebriated, looser than usual, slutty but somehow still hot despite her drunken hospitality n has positively no inhibitions about behaving in this manner 2, 3 times a week then I could suggest avoiding her at all costs; the best thing that could even possibly happen is that you take her back to your place of pressing biz, in this case, the bedroom of your apartment n she passes out during the act n wakes up askin’ your name. And, btw,…you still have to take her home n lemme tell ya, it’s a very akward ride to her house, specially when you have to say something like ‘See ya’ or ‘Nice meetin’ ya’ as she bolts out the car door like a scared guinea pig on hallucinigenic drugs!!…

Broke-Down Palace-Honestly, it’s pretty sad to hear about the exe’s exploits so long after the ‘Break-up’! Still droolin’ all over the same ol’ bar countertops, still the perennial user of men n still the exact piece of evil incarnate that she used to be… I heard through the grapevine that nobody’s impressed at the extent of her lengendary promiscuity n also gents are gettin’ a bit tired of closin’ down the bar with such a ragdoll of oblivious drunkenness. I wish her all the luck in the world but a warning to the dudes that truly think she’s more than the queen of ‘Booty-call-ville’, that ol’ gray Mare just ain’t what she used to be!!!

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