The single life at its breaking point

Doin’ unto others…

Daughtry – Open Up Your Eyes

Whether it’s messin’ around with a gal who’s got a bf, married or otherwise seemingly involved, 1 ultimate truth exists; IF SHE’S DOIN’ IT TO HIM, SHE’LL DO IT TO YOU!!!

Let’s face it! Most of us are about as faithful as a porn star in a gangbang flick. You can whip your head around all day tryin’ to find that 1 chik that ain’t gona screw you over…..LITERALLY, but you’ll prolly just end up catchin’ whiplash before you find her.

I honestly thought my most recent ex was long-term commitment material. She had 2 sides; a very loving, compassionate and caring 1 and the other, her evil sis! Comparing apples to oranges here, when I met her she was dating a married dude and still chattin’ it up with her ex!! Another example……Finding out after almost 3 months that the reason the girl who’s been so elusive, (aside from offering sex) lives with baby’s dad! How about the woman you’re about to drive an hour to see has to keep you on the DL cuz she’s still ‘technically’ married? I actually proposed to a lady whom I can fondly refer to now as ‘THE ULTIMATE FACEBOOK FRIEND FINDER’! i.e. ‘CYBER-SLUT’!

Point I’m getting at is that loyalty is a percentage game and even while 65% of us will admit publicly to bein’ a whore, I think the numbers are much higher and though I’d NEVER date a married chik, I’d definitely f^~k 1………………………………….

Just because it happened to you does that make it ok to become a total spite-monger?!

I can comfortably assume that any1 reading this blog has had the unfortunate priveledge of being thrown to the wolves by an ex. With that, doesn’t make it cool to take out that aggression on the next. Whichever, whatever, the only thing that really makes any sense at all out here is that sex is the ultimate motive for most singles. That pretty much takes all the mystery out of post-first date confusion. After dinner n drinks things usually wind up n down with bedroom tantrics of some kind. Least for this guy…

If the masses are leading the charge in the NEW sexual revolution, who am I to stand in the way of progress or perhaps watch things ‘regress’ in this case? They say ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans’, so just gimme a fuc*in’ toga, I guess…

Sometimes, I guess the grass is greener on the other side; at least it seems so from a distance!

I can recall a powerpoint I did for 1 of my first college classes. It was about infidelity and I called it ‘The wandering heart’! Think maybe I mighta scared the hell outa any marriage hopefuls but that was the whole purpose of this thing. 1 piece that shocked me, however involved some of the reasoning behind fuckin’ around on your partner; like, CUZ ITS CONVENIENT or SOMEONE ELSE CATCHES YOUR EYE!!!!! This is real shit, folks. Scientific n all that!

Let’s see,… as if singles aren’t already insecure enough, all it might take is some other guy in the right cologne or maybe a cool shirt n your chik’s history, dude! Do I need to call in a blacksmith to slap a chastity belt on her ass?!? After all I’ve been through it would take the supreme court n a jury of my peers to convince me that loyalty is more than a historical reference describing some sorta military duty or comic book super-hero shit…

If monogamy is for suckers then maybe jewelry stores should be sued for false advertisement n all of us should just forfeit 2 months pay to bring down gas prices so we can hop in our hybrids n race off goin’ like top-speed, (40 or so) n just invade Vegas all at once to get quickie marriages, spend a weekend free of charge in the honeymoon suite at the Taj, have the shit annulled Monday n be back in town just in time for 35 cent wing night at Babydolls!!!

What’s good for the Goose…; why did I ever come back from Florida?

After finding out, (the hard way, as usual) that random dating catastrophes don’t care much about continental shifts in location and that the female populus was less concerned about broken heart fatalities and more interested in getting treated fairly,  I realized something………. LOCATION IS EVERYTHING!! It really didn’t take dropping out of real estate school to teach me this, it was something I had known for years! Some of us are much more used to the dating game than others and maybe I was in the wrong geographical area to express my ‘Wild Side’!……..

Course, in the midwest expectations are higher when it comes to the whole committedly involved thing and If I ever figure out exactly how to replace the candidly serene indifference of sex on the sandy beautiful beaches of Clearwater, Florida with the deviant sexual behavior that I found in Coshocton, Ohio, I’ll be sure to let ya know!…

If you’re not a female Police Officer with a shiny badge n patrol car to prove it, you can shove the cuffs n just point me in the direction of the nearest rest stop.

Pay for Play:

Living in a world so fulla sex-driven nymphs n overly exploited lustful conduct makes it kinda hard to imagine there being so many financial requirements to simply becoming involved with the average chik. I was never 1 to say, “Hey, Babe! Lemme pay all the bills while you just sit there n look pretty!” I pride myself in my no-holds barred hard-headedness so it’s ez for me to find n separate the ‘use-me ups’ from the ‘ pick-me ups’. All in all though if what’s good for 1 is good for all then I say “Pay for nothing and play til’ Ol’ Jimmy’s content”!!!!

What’s eating ‘Gilbert Grape’?

I’m finding out that more n more people when dealing with sex are throwing ethics under a bus! This is a bit disheartening cuz now I’ve graduated from the school of morality n I’m having a very difficult time taking opportunity as it presents itself. In other words, the dutchess isn’t lettin’ me get any! Blue balls are supposed to represent a lack thereof of sexual gratification n since that’s the case, I just may need a wheel barrow soon!!!

Bad-Girls’ Club- Who woulda thought that a nice guy could be influenced to take off the gloves n opt for a more knock-down, drag-out approach with the opposing sex?! After a few tragic experiences with attempting to be the captain of the ‘Free-Sexual-Enterprise, I realized that the way things were goin’ I’d be better off takin’ the low road to Hard-Knock Blvd. I only feel sorry for those gents that have chosen to fight the good fight when the chances of winning are slim to none n Slim left on a bullet train last night!!

Flight-risk:

Been thinkin’ alot lately about the state of things, (sex & dating, of course) n it’s occured to me that gettin’ it ain’t the hard part, it’s the ‘What happens after’?! I don’t even bother askin’ for the digi’s anymore cuz it’s pointless! Gents, if chiks begin 2 sound like a broken cd then you gota couple of options, i.e. Just last eve, yet another gal told me I was sexy! I almost forgot to thank her for the compliment bc honestly, while I luv the attention, you get to the stage where it’s like, o.k., whatever…

When your female friends are hesitant to go to the club with you outta fear of you stealin’ their thunder n other dudes mistakin’ ya for the bf, then it’s time to re-eval who you’re hangin’ with. I could either completely ignore the fact that most chiks completely consider me a sex object or I could take in stride the fact that I got n edge n just go with the program. I would, however like to wake up next to a lady n feel like she gives a shit rather than just raid her fridge n get the fuck outta there before the akward moment of silence after she wakes up n realizes that she doesn’t even know my last name…

It’s prolly for the best though bc I don’t remember hers either!

The return of the Duke n Dutchess:

Folks, I’m ending up at a crossroads in my dating life! While I’d love to be the kinda guy that could just hit it, quit it n keep on movin’ , this lil’ thing called a conscience just won’t let me. There’s already far too many dudes screwin’ this whole thing up for gents like me n to further do damage it seems counterproductive to my true mission.

I’ve tried relentlessly again n again to find that special 1 only to come up on the short end of the Margarita straw n it’s startin’ to get waaayy under my skin. I mean, 1 gets pretty tired of all the lies n bullshit after a while n the frustration’s buildin’… It gets to be redundant to keep bein’ the nice guy n layin’ my heart out there on the tracks for the next oncoming train to squash. Sick of the tales of how bad he was, how much he hurt you, how much you had emotionally invested, blah, blah, blah…

I never once considered myself the rebound guy or some chik’s safety net but I s’pose that it ain’t always about what I want; could be that I’m just a bit too naive for my own good n keep hopin’ against hope that the next gal doesn’t pack a pistol bc her ex just refuses to go down without a fight…

While the lil’ angel on my shoulder tells me to keep on keepin’ on cuz she’s out there somewhere waitin’ for me, the lil’ devil on my other shoulder just wants to hit Christie’s next month n see if we can make some random girls get wild!!!

Not quite sure what to do yet but no matter how this thing plays out, I’m just gonna follow my heart…………..

 

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