My trusty sword!
Almost drunk dialing til you remembered something, excusing that she’s a complete bitch cuz she’s Bi-polar, serenades that never quite happened and other girls interrupted. Stay tuned!
Never let em’ see ya sweat! As I deleted my contacts list and gave my highly prized but recently turned off, and for good reason, (she was about as possessive and jealous as Rihanna at a Chris Brown concert back in the day) cellphone to my ex simply because she didn’t like hers. ~Lost ball-sac…CHECK!
Now as I flip through my contacts, ya kno, past mom and dad, the baby’s mom and some tattoo shop I have no intention of ever visiting again, I realize the most obviously pathetic thing………. There ain’t a single chik in there that either me or her should or even could possibly, accidentally and or drunkenly dream of hooking up with!! This moment of lapses in judgement was brought to you by Bud light and its case after case of drunken, disorderly conduct consumption and thereafter chucking unopened bottles of it at your own car cuz you know she’s bi and she won’t drop the lezbo neighbor’s leg long enough to give the getting more pissed by the sec and I repeat DRUNK bf a kiss!
Where the hell’s the phonebook?…….
20/20 Vision; If only I had my contacts!:
It may not have been much but my fuscia Grav2 was my lifeline. I thought I was practicing preventative measures when I had it turned off bc of I.S.E. #2’s overwhelming jealousy. Imagine that! A slut with insecurity issues. Nevermind that, I was determined to see this through bc I felt like I could fix anything and this chik needed some serious engine work done.
In some sick way I felt as if I was giving her the 1 thing that could protect her from ever having to worry about being hurt by me. Excellent idea, Captain! Give her your sole communicator device so that way if she leaves you in deep space 9 you’ll possibly never make it back to earth…………..
Here’s my card! Sooo the contacts list is growing again and that’s a good thing except for 1 very important aspect; I can’t remember who’s numbers these are. I do however recall the women… Being so drunk that you cannot find your business cards and you have to rely on a mediator to put contacts in your phone is some hilarious shit unless you’re actually gonna ever call any of these chiks. Word of advice; it may seem primitive but ALWAYS write things down on something other than a cocktail napkin cuz after your 3rd or 4th Vodka-Tonic and 12 or 13 Bud Lights when the barmaid removes the same said napkin askin some gal who’s name you can’t even remember for her number again is absolutely douchery at its finest……..
WOW!! I never knew sexting was such a contact sport!
I used to believe that sex n cell phones were 2 completely different animals. I’m finding out that the more gals you add to your contacts list, the more time will be spent looking at dirty pics of the same chiks n having pretty intense convos about the ‘S’ word instead of where we’re goin’ for din-din Friday.
Oh well. Where would the world be without technology??
Uh, Oh! I think my phone has a leak in it!-Some gents enjoy havin femmes in their contacts even if they haven’t spoken to them for months n have pretty much no intentions on ever talkin’ to them again. Not this guy! Once a damn’s busted n the water flows rapidly under the bridge, I’m off to the calm waves of the next side of the beach! I’ve guess-timated that I prolly deleted about 15 chiks off my celly in the past couple of months n I couldn’t be happier. I mean, no worries about accidentally drunk-dialing, no text-wars, no go-backs! There’s a reason that some names are no longer available in the digital Rolodex n if that’s the case, I musta said “have a nice life” already!
The ‘Hello’ Pages:
Sooo while the contacts list seems to be endlessly growing, #’s are gettin’ deleted faster than you can ask, “WTF”?! I’m sure I’ve mentioned somewhere in the past that I am not the sorta dude to keep hangin’ on when there’s obviously nothin’ left to hang on to; so with that said, I’m still cuttin’ off my nose to spite my face! Some of these gals I keep around on here just in case but when they drunk-dial me, I generally tell them to fuck off so that doesn’t really make much sense either. I think the only chik that’s lasted longer in my contacts than 3 or 4 weeks is my daughter’s mother n we fuckin’ hate each other!
Look! I don’t set out like some sorta vindictive mad man when it comes to chasin’ the ladies, I just know when there’s nothin’ else much gonna come out of a situation n I shut it down b4 it’s too late to save myself from the wrath of Mother Nature. Sad thing is that I’m becoming used to my life bein’ a revolving door of wasted chances n broken hearts but what’re ya gonna do???…
Any single gals out there wanna hit me up? 330 415-0*3*. ttyl…
You can call me whatever ya want but please jus lose my #!
Used to take a long time to wear on my nerves n get me to the point of actually unfriendin’ your ass,…IN REAL LIFE but lately I’ve seen the error of my ways n holdin’ onto your exes is jus NEVER a good idea. Firstly bc if I ended up hatin’ you the 1st time, why would the 2nd time be anymore fun? Speakin’ of ‘witch’, (still miss ya, Mindy) I had the pleasure of missin’ a call from I.E. #8 a couple of weeks back n each n every part of me wanted to answer my phone, except the part that I use to create thoughts n problem solve of course n thank the good Lord I was sober bc I jus may be writin’ this about how she sold my soul to the devil when I wasn’t lookin’…
As difficult as it was, I finally found the resolve to delete her from my contacts… If only it was that simple to delete her from my heart…… Oh well! Least I can find solace in knowin’ that it ain’t me that she’s makin’ miserable anymore! Good luck, new dumbass! I gotta keep it movin’ n my advice to you,… “Don’t unpack your shit! You ain’t goina be around long enough to get comfy”!!!… Trust me! Been there, fled from that!