I’ll update this page as often as possible with the happenings of my life…
- Drinking and driving beats drunk dialing any day: Now that Annie, ( my guitar ) is in hock I’m back to singing a little more which means karaoke is in my very near future. I’ve been procrastinating and overestimating the city I live in. There’s really nothing much here. I’ve been diligently trying to get focused but the pain of a broken heart just won’t let up and I’ve literally tried EVERYTHING! For someone who claimed to know so much in the past I should have taken a good, hard look at my own life. Love is a gamble………
- Met a very tall and pretty blonde Hallow’s Eve but couldn’t get past the fact that she was engaged; WTF? Have you lost your ‘haven’t you ever seen Jersey Shore mind’?
K, so in hindsight she probably went home with one of the bouncers that night I’m certain had enough scratch the 2 Bud lights required at that stage to get er’ goin’… Damn you, stupid morals! I curse the nursery rhyme within which you were conceived in!!!
- The old breakin’ up on purpose game: Throw me a bone here. everyone’s entitled to have a total loss of mental ability once, or in my case, for months;
As she’s waving goodbye to me and chanting her most catchy mantra of ‘You ain’t left yet? BuBye now’!, I mistakenly confused this phrase with, ‘ Just lay there and beg me to let you stay’. After about a month I caught on to this little routine. At least partially. I would gather my sh*t and happily make my way back home across the street and await her call. This continued for about the duration of our entire relationship.
I guess when something’s happening directly underneath your nose and it has some of the best legs you’ve ever seen attached to a human female, you could possibly lose focus for a summer, I mean minute! During these little ‘break-ups’, Iwould sometimes lose track of her for 2 or 3 days, not the usual 12 hours or so. When this happened, I had no way of contacting her as I had given her the phone I had after I got it turned off bc I knew how jealous she was. Did this chik have my danglers in her Juicee Couture or what!!!!
I could turn this sh*t into a mini-series. ~ How many M^ndy’s do you really know that just coincidentally are sisters of your exes~? At this point, dudes, it looks like I would’ve believed her if she told me I was a fuck*ing avatar from the backwoods of Saturn. More later…
Getting barred from HER job on HER 1st day n successively barred from HER 2nd job is a long, long story…Did I say TWICE from her 2nd job?
This particular girl and I argued so much that if the neighbors saw 1 of us without the other they assumed that we had called it quits again. Now that’s just a shame! I won’t say there wasn’t some validity to this as most of the time it was true but the day she got a job was a low-light for the both of us. All she had to do was make it 6 or 7 hours each night without slappin a wet, pasty 1 on some drunken tractor advertising schmuck and all I had to do in return was spend those same hours not arguing with her over nothing…I could do this!
I had found by now that if I drank beer by the time she started having coffee it wouldn’t bother me that my long awaited fairytale love was being such a bitch! Her 1st day at work was one of those days…..More later!
Who the fuck are you and why haven’t I kicked your ass yet??
Ya know how they sometimes refer to things in the ultra or uber sense? Like ultra-concentrated or uber-cool?! Well, Tiffani was an ultra, uber whore with a knack for being a super-slut! That’s quite a combo for 1 person n I’m still a lil’ mystified by her act. I think I’d even pay to see it again as long as it isn’t me starring as the oblivious assistant. We were knee-deep in love, hahahahaha, gimme a minute, I can’t stop laughing……………………..and after a couple months of rabid, homeless mutt, I mean ‘PUPPY’ pandering my betrothed found herself a job!!! I was excited though obviously not as excited as her. Little did I know this was her 1 way ticket to I’LLFUCKANYDUDEWITHATRUCKVILLE! I drove a Sunfire n I actually thought it was cool. (Knew I shoulda bought that F150, damned pushy salesman)! There were many days that started off wrong with this chik since we mixed about as well as Batman n Robin at a ‘NOT GAY AS FUCK RETRO COMIC CONVENTION’ so what I’m about to say should come as no surprise…………..
Believe it or not, IT IS possible to have a serious argument over chicken wings n even if she won’t admit it, WIN!!!! More later……………….
Wow! The spinning bar here is pretty cool and I had no idea that pizza made such a good ashtray!
If any of you ever get the opportunity to spend an eve with yours truly, take it; the 1 thing I can guarantee is that you won’t ever forget it! Ever seen ‘The Hangover’? I kid you not, I hit the red-light district with 1 intention;… To see how much fun can possibly be crammed into about 4 or 5 hours of questionable human behavior!!! Why am I not in jail again? O, that’s next month!
Finally attaining some sorta peace in life requires some real effort! While things often have a mind of their own, a lil’ nudge in just the right place can put them into perspective for ya’! Maybe I’ll sit back, soak it all in n enjoy it for a few secs……. On second thought, better prep myself for the next loose end that may need double-knotted!
Mob-Wives!- Back to the fact that I absolutely have limitations on the women I choose to spend a lil’ time with! Married women, obvious psycho-paths, love-sick kittens n jaded hanger-ons are totally outta the question n even though it can be extremely difficult to spot some of these types from a distance, knowledge is power! Ethics n self-preservation come into the picture n with a little ingenuity and creativity, one may be able to squeeze through the crawlspace of certain peril n come out with just a few bumps n scrapes…
I never once claimed to be the master of carnal knowledge but 1 thing I can be certain of is that we make our own set of principles n it’s the tryin’ to adhere to these values that create the dramatic up’s n downs that threaten these same personal policies. I say to the women of the earth that choose to become the bedmates of unfaithful grooms n the bi-polar socialites that enjoy the thrill of the chase, (even if it involves kitchen knives n throwing stars) don’t be surprised when gents aspire to refer to you as a slut, bar-hag, whore-bag, mattress-back, home-wrecker, trick, trollop or tramp! It’s pretty much simple! If the wedding ring fits!!…….
Nothin’ really changes but the ‘Whether or not’-
Raise your hand if you’re 1 of those people that truly think that you can honestly change a leopards’ spots! I’ll bet ya’ over a game of pool that the only thing you possess the ability to alter in any shape, form or fashion is the man in the mirror! I heard some shit the other day about some scientist, somewhere at some time said some shit about us all making some astronomical amount of choices throughout the course of each n every day!… It equaled out to a lot of fuckin’ decisions but after my head stopped spinnin’ for a sec I decided that it’s better to have loved n had 2nd thoughts than to have never have gotten lost at all!!
Now, if you can say that 3 times fast you win a date with 1 of my exes!………….L. JK. I’d never do that to ya’!!!!!!!!
The 411 on ‘Drunk-Dialing’:
An ex is an ex for a reason! If there’s 3 things in life 1 can be assured of it’s that if you consume alcohol n you possess a cell-phone, you’re going to have a tendency from time to time to dial up the 1 you used to have a fondness for in an attempt to score 1 mo’ time. BAD IDEA!! The fact that you’re even that inibriated says that there’s a possibility that you’re losing your fuc*ing mind in the first place n aside from the pounding headache you wake up with, even worse is that while you reach for the Ibuprofen, you find out that you’re not alone………………… OOPS! WTF! OMG!
‘Absolute’ still doesn’t guarantee anything…
Once upon an obliviously inebriated time, I thought that just bc you were in the company of someone that bestowed the title of ‘bf’ upon you that meant you were the guy goin’ back to her place after last call! Thank God I have such a sense of humor bc I realize now that the hot barmaid wasn’t laughin’ WITH me, she was rollin’ on the floor due to my inability to acknowledge that my ‘lady of the night’ was gettin’ her final sex on the beach on the patio n I was well beyond too screw-drivered to notice…
On a lighter note, after the girl of your dreams leaves with ‘Truck-stop Todd’, showin’ up completely hammered at an exes’ house for a booty call is never a good idea according to her new boyfriend……….. Go figure!
So maybe I am the rebound guy, the gent chiks call when their bf is outta town n they’re lonely or even a comforter for the lost n damaged souls of women that have fallen from grace but at the end of the day, I sleep knowing that I tried n that counts for something!
On 2nd thought, bein’ any of the aforementioned guys sucks!!!…
Thank God for Vodka and Daughtry!