The single life at its breaking point

~SISTER CHRISTIAN~

U2 – In God’s Country

From Catholic school girls and born- again Christians to strippers, hood-rats and escorts; one variable always stays the same…… Sex in the end!!!

The ‘Hail Mary’: The chik that doesn’t consider herself a total -Buzzkill- even though she’s so drunk that she’s reciting bible verses during ‘Happy-Hour’! Time to relocate!!

The Converted Christian!: The gal that offered you the opportunity of sex only to turn things around by asking for your undivided attention first while she explained how divinely WRONG it would be… Was “Do you wanna do it” a trick question or not???

The ‘Born-Again’ Zealot:  The lady that possesses otherworldly skills behind closed doors but rides the Heavenly fence like a Cowgirl on roids!!!

Stay tuned!……..

-I remember you! You’re the girl I’ve been wanting to do since 10th grade!

Quick lesson on how to come up short with the lady that not only stalked you after it became apparent that you were in it to score only once you promised to visit her place of worship along with her for a few sexual faves… Now icksnay the sexual faves n imagine avoiding your place of residency bc you assumed that Born-again Christians weren’t of the stalker persuasion. We’ve all been wrong about something or other at some time in our lives but ’tisk-tisk’ on askin’ the Holy Spirit to be a wing-man for ya!

So you call yourself a reformed Catholic, huh?!?1st, I should mention that the church I curently attend, (it’s been a while, K) is full of young, female born-again superstars that treat the place of worship like a meeting place of currently single prayer sayers n hawk-eyed, drooling Disciples…

I never thought that skinny jeans n halter tops were necessarily what the Lord meant when he said “Come as you are” but I s’pose that as long as they sang along during hymnals that all was forgiven. Pretty difficult to sit through n hour n a half of mass while fighting with your conscious over which was more important to pay attention to; the hotty wearing what appears to be less than appropriate or the lesson of the day on being a better Christian!

Let’s just say that I leave church most of the time feeling more like a dude that needs to spend a lil’ more time w/ Matthew, Mark, Luke n John than Heather, Marie, Lisa n that chik w/ the massively hot bod!!!

Miss-Fortune-

Pretty sure that we’ve all heard the saying that goes ‘If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything’! I hear alota convos that women engage in on a daily basis n the real shockers are the ones that involve some of their religious views. I can’t be certain, but I’m almost positive that when the ‘Good-Book’ states “Come as you are” it wasn’t referring to wearing short-shorts, high-heels n talkin’ bout their appreciation for the opposing sex…

I’ll give you 1 lil’ secret about hypocrisy & the house of the Lord; if you’re being stared at while you’re kickin’ off your pumps, whippin’ your gorgeous golden locks in our faces as you pass our pew, approaching the pulpit n singin’ hymns at the top of your beautiful lungs, it’s not the high notes you’ve so gracefully belted out that we’re sooo in love with, it’s the fact that we’re having problems standing up with ‘Woody’ at full mast!!!!!

Aaaamen!!

Any given Sunday:

I could sit here all day n try to explain to the ‘God-fearing’ masses that manipulating the Lord for personal gratification is just sick……and wrong but I’m pretty sure that we are all well aware of that. Just bc some gal claims that her faith is as strong and unshakable as David’s loincloth when he went up against the mighty philistine giant, Goliath doesn’t necessarily mean that the truth cometh outeth her innocent lips. 

It’s not a grand leap to assume that a chik is prolly trustworthy when she mentions her loyal participation in the pews but if we were to look this thing right in the face we would see by her actions that she’s even more deceitful and cunning than we suspected. Just bc a gal says she’s an angel, doesn’t mean she has wings, specially if she’s got a live-in piece n she’s tryin’ to commune with you out behind the parish house while her devoted bf is in the church hall singin’, Blessed Assurance…..

Think it’s pretty safe to say, bro; she’s definitely losin’ her religion………….

‘Un’-dressed to kill –

The fact that I wrote an entire chapter about chiks like this in my book pisses me off that I got caught slippin’… A pretty smile n a nice, tight bod can cause our higher thought process to completely become a blubbering opus of dufus-dom! Course she was pretty but that’s no excuse to abandon my faculties at ‘Hello’!

I’m Christian but I’m not practicing n I don’t attend church regularly to pretend that I’m not a hypocrite. Welp! Lotta chiks do n gents the next time a gal expresses her devout faith to you after sending you an array of xxx cam phone pics do yourself the fav of assuming that she’s a fuckin’ liar n the only day that she takes off from bein’ a dirty gurl is the Lord’s day!……

Guarantee that she didn’t really get them oral skills from bein’ in the choir!!!

 

Practicing whatcha preach!

 

Sooo I knew that she was an ardent Atheist n devout hater of all things of Man & God but in my mind good is always s’posed to conquer evil… Lil’ did I know or understand that some gals have jus had 1 too many tragedies in their lives to let go of their philosophies. This particular gal made it very evident from the start of our 5 day escapade that this thing was all about the sex!… Nothin’ more, nothin’ less. I give her credit for her forthrightness but this was for sure a match made in Hell…

 

I’ve always been on the fence when it comes to faith but sometimes ya gotta know when to hold-em’ n know when to fold-em’ n after she threatened to do some almost laughable shit to me n my peeps, she had to be exorcised! Didn’t need to call the Vatican for this 1 although I almost had to call 9-1-1.

 

Ironically, the deed happened to take place on a Sunday eve in her car in my driveway. Definitely was NOT goina invite this possible poltergeist into my bedroom. On a more positive note, I’ve never had better driveway sex! Thanx, Jezebel! 3=)

 

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