The single life at its breaking point

Posts tagged “dating

‘Can’t always judge a book by its’ cover’… I guess!… Maybe!


sexy-woman-reading-book-horizWith the book on it’s way,… finally, It’s beginning to dawn on me that I just may possibly be on to something. I was sitting here only yesterday with my best gal and we so happened to sit together through a quite painful piece of programming about online dating and it’s billion dolla’ market… Needless to say, lunch was totally ruined! Since when did ‘The list’ become an algorithm? Firstly, folks, the business analyst in me wanted to create a chart on just how many poor, lonely, desperate singles actually paid good money for a machine to predict their happiness but the author in me simply thought of this as agile marketing for my very soon-to-be published work.

If the idea behind meeting someone online through some dating site appeals to you only bc you can 1st run your preliminary criminal and credit background checks on them, (purposely setting yourself on some pedestal) you instantly become an oxy’moron’!… Some of the reasons the interviewees gave on this particular show for using such a venue for meeting people were as follows… “I only wanna date people who love horses”, “They must be well educated and highly successful”, i.e. (#MAJORMOOLA), “My cat has to like them”, “They have to be’inked-up'”, so on and so forth…

Well, wouldn’t it be awesome if we could all just put a phone booth in our bedroom, connect it to our computer and create some weird science?!?! *POOF*!   What do ya know?, The perfect specimen! Ultimately, we knew this was bullshit in 1985 so why would it be anything more than that now? Ladies n gents, all men are NOT assholes and douchebags and all gals are NOT gold-diggers and soul-stealers!!! Zip up your khakis, sign out of your personal online porn search and actually leave your house, go somewhere that people might be and act like you’re NOT a shallow, impersonal, unrealistic asshole, douchebag, gold-digger or soul-stealer and I’d be willing to bet my last bitcoin that you might find someone worth more than a quick e-flirt!……

 

 

 


‘Captain sav-a-gal’…


No offense intended,… this is a cute kid. I am simply illustrating that innocence we all possessed at one time in our lives. I have some very fond memories that remain that way because of a period of blind naivety. Ya’ know,… the moments when one would toss their cape over a mud puddle for Lana Lang to walk over, or send Jimmy to Starbucks to grab her a triple Caramel Macchiato for the low low price of 12 bucks… Anywho, times have-a changed and not necessarily for the better. Romance in front of the fireplace with wine and candles is now just something our ancestors did and unless you are actually, somehow a Google tech specialist or forensic accountant with a promising 6 figure salary, society tells us that our ‘American Dream’ is something exclusively offered to the wealthy and the rest of us regular ‘Clarks’ don’t have much of a chance of saving anything……Especially money!

But as my readers have certainly figured out by now, my head is made of steel so it’s gonna take a lot more than an industry standard for me to give up.Not all of us, gents have the desire to live up to some disproportionate measure of worth for the sake of finding ‘miss’ prolly not worth the trouble anyway’. Don’t get me wrong, ladies! I have enough love in my heart for all of you but if my fortune is simply ‘hypothetical’ and that just doesn’t cut it for ya’, then please excuse me,……Gotta fly!!!

 

 

 


Desperately Seeking ‘Earth-girls’!


a0404d5cc1I understand the whole concept of, “I’m just too busy to go out, I’m lookin’ for my soulmate/perfect guy, It’s too hard to find someone who totally “gets me” & the plethora of other excuses that have ultimately culminated in the pseudo-psychological creation of online dating sites but to be completely fucking honest, all you narcissists creep me the fuck out!!!…

On paper, it appears that folks have become so self-absorbed with the idea of perfection on every ideaollogical level that their dating existence has been reduced to some strange, hardly decipherable world of charts n graphs. Gals still want the ring!… They still want our undying devotion n loyalty but unless we can stand up to their otherworldly expectations, we should hang on to our day jobs n keep slippin’ ‘Stripper-bucks’ into the thongs of non-judgemental chiks. At least at the end of the day we don’t have to answer for all of our shortcomings as a human-being… Somewhere, we lost our way, peeps n the only way to get back there, (I mean, where real people live and pro-create) is to polarize that moment when all of our dating hopes n dreams became contingent on the uber-existence of FB, E-Harmony n less tantalizing, (if that’s even possible) shit like Datehookup n Farmersonly.com……

If anything you say on FB n Twitter is true at all, then maybe it’s possible that even cyberspace can’t find you that super-duper lifelong companion you’ve so searched for all this time n rather the universe is askin’ you to step out of your celestial coccoon n do something that nobody has done in a long time n actually walk up to someone n say hello!……….

 

 


A perfect storm…


StormUltimately, we find ourselves right back where we started from… Sooner or later, the gods of the greater good seek out n destroy the hopelessly abandoned projects left half finished in our garages anyway so may as well set the ship aflame ourselves n watch it go down than allow ” Lady Luck’ to work her inevitable magic… There comes a time in all of our lives when we just have to dig in and move past our own irreconcilable differences n accept our losses in a dignifiable fashion. The difficult part is to start over with a new sense of focus……

Forget all the misconceptions n ideallistic bullshit that may have led us here like the idea of falling in love with some imaginary princess or utopian idea of what love is supposed to be or even possibly that we may even find ourselves in a strip club with our balls against some V.I.P. club wall, wallet empty n texting one of our exes to “Please come get us”!!! What if we’re not even supposed to be here or we’re givin’ all the wrong people the chances that we shoulda given someone else?…

 

After all is said n done, maybe we’ve just been wastin’ our time……….

All we can do is keep ‘fuckin’ tryin’ til’ we figure it out…

😉

 

 


“I agree!… You still suck!”…


????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Throughout the course of any of our lives, some things just simply stick out or make a permanent impression… It could be anything from anywhere at pretty much any time. In this particular case for ‘Yours Truly’, it was something I heard…… “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on being what you’ve always been”! This statement literally opened my mind like a jewelry chest and all I could do was stand there in a sort of a profound daze. It was like everything I had ever learned or ever will is going to be affected by this 1, small breath of enlightenment.

We so often find ourselves engrossed in ‘what-mighta-beens’ & ‘if-onlys’ but the truth is that there’s a reason that we are where we are and we are with who we’re with. People don’t really change. Not in nature anyway. I found myself doin’ the occasional facebook, Internet or through the grapevine check-in on an ex or 2 but after realizing that I couldn’t care any less about how they’re doing, I soon abandoned the whole pathetic idea. Maybe they live somewhere different, have a different mission or purpose in the great, wide world or possibly found someone that saw something other than what I saw in them but the bottom line is I’ve witnessed 1st hand exactly the type of person they are and always will be.

My advice to those who choose to travel down the long, ugly, dark road of their past is to put it away, smile n keep movin’ bc I can promise you that the only thing that really matters is what road you’re on today n be thankful to your lucky stars the person with you now isn’t the same one as then……

Can I get a HIGH 5?!!!!


“Goodbye” sex…


3-woman-waving-goodbye-husband-lgnFor some of us it seems like goodbye is just another notch in the belt or a word we’ve used so many times just to get from point A to point B in ending yet another chapter in our life with someone who really was never supposed to even be there. In actuality, some of us may never be able to completely let go and move on, for others it can be a means of hangin’ on way past the prime of anything real or tangible… At any rate, no matter how many times we say the words, we prolly won’t ever truly mean them bc we’re always lookin’ back. None of us are quite strong enough to simply walk away without 1 last glance at what mighta been…

I’ve been around the block enough times to know when there’s somethin’ worth holdin’ on to n when ya jus gotta let somethin’ go but at the same time, I’m human so that makes me susceptible to the same laws that navigate us all in love and life. Break-up sex and gettin’-back-together sex are awesome…………………….. but so is ‘maybe I’m really in love’ sex…

As gents, all we can do is hope that we wake up next to the same gal that we passed out next to last night and she makes us pancakes in the morn……

I’m gettin’ pretty tired a sayin’ goodbye all the time, ya know!……….


Either you ^Stand^ for somethin’ or \Fall\ for anyone…


226719-catwalk-tumbles-10-most-memorable-runway-fallsI’ve always had a great affinity for doin’ things the hard way… Sure, with age came wisdom but that doesn’t mean I’ve always applied it. While I’m certain I’ve avoided a pothole or 2, I’ve fallen in more than I’ve missed n it’s almost as if I was born to do so. I’m at a point in my life where I’m gaining some real clarity n the more I examine the horizon the more I see that the cause behind relationship failure for ‘Yours’ Truly’ isn’t necessarily because maybe I have some deep-seeded resentment for the opposing sex, it’s bc I simply won’t stand for the bullshit. I have no problem walkin’ away from a coveted gal bc she’s a raging bitch or requires too much maintenance, has a massive alcohol addiction, promiscuity or throws too much fuckin’ baggage in my closet!

Fact is, ladies n gents, I can take it or leave it! I absolutely adore women but at the end of a long day, who wants a relationship so lopsided that you have to walk at an angle just to see straight. I don’t recall a ‘single’ rule being written in the stone that nestled Excalibur that we, gents bowed to the every wish of mi’lady… Let’s face it! Women can hang on to a grudge tighter than a cursed spirit n while I can be empathetic of your several failed marriages, unless I’m being compensated to sit here n listen to all of your horrid tales of heart break, just keep your damage to your dammy bc I’m not your therapist,… Therefore, IDGAF!!!

My thoughts are that dating exclusively is supposed to be a wonderful exploration into the great unknown within which 2 eager n willing participants embark on something new not a daunting journey into the depths of your personal Hell…

My observation of those who feel like they’re alone in their relationship,………. You probably are!